Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize