i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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