so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
