she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
