i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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