Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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