you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
