i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
