Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
