Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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