Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize