the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
