I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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