Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
