my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
