Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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