Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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