Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he puts the penis in happiness.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize