1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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