I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
