apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
