I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
