Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize