Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
