Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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