I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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