When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I party with great urgency now.
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