anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
