I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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