we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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