I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
