I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
