So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
