I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too much gin, very little bucket
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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