nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
