i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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