Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
