white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
