Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
