I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do vagina's smell?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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