I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
