I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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