He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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