dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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