ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
