i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
