so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
