What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
