wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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