It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
