Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you would pick up someone in the library
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
