when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
