I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
