3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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