guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
