I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
