Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
