The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
