what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
