I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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