I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
