so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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