Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
