Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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