also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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