I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
