May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
