my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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