i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
