In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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