you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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