Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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