Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
