so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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