I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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