The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
