im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
