Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
