So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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