The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
