He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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