Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
