well you can't waste a boner
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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