I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
